Jokes
Here are some funny jokes to get you in the laughing mood. I you are looking for more funny jokes, check out our funny suff page for some great funny jokes links.
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Vampires in a Bar
It’s Halloween and everyone’s out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.
At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender “Hi. I’m a vampire and I’d like a cup of human blood please.”
The bartender looks at him skeptically. “No you’re not. You’re just wearing a costume.”
“No, no, really,” he insists. “I’m a vampire and I’d like a cup of human blood please.”
“Alright,” the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.
“Thanks,” he says, and leaves.
An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says “Hi, I’m a vampire and I’d like a cup of human blood please.”
“Okay,” the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a ‘thanks’.
An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. “Hi,” he says to to the bartender. “I’m a vam…”
“I know, I know,” the bartender interrupts. “You’re a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?”
“Um, no,” the vampire answers. “I AM a vampire, but I’d just like a glass of hot water please.”
“Sure” the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says “You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you’re just asking for water?”
Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.
“Tea time.”
Farts With Lumps
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word ” definitely ” in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”
The Teacher says, “Of course not Johnny,”
To which Johnny replies, “Then I have definitely s**t my pants”.
Wittle Wabbit
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?”
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks: “Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?”
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: “I don’t fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.”
Call our hilarious wind up interactive joke service on 0906 517 8836
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